Comparison of other books based on reviews

The knowledge in my book Open to Bliss is light years ahead of and better than SLAA and light years ahead of and better than 12 step programs. It is not even comparable. it is like comparing an elephant to an ant. the number one selling book about the subject Out of the Shadows just speaks about understanding what the addict goes through. no real solutions.

My book Open toBliss is a SOLUTION MANUAL. Thus, not only do you understand the problem, but you will also understand the solution and everything on how to apply the solution is written all in one book, presented step by step. (not a 12 step process at all)

Book: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

Here are some clips of reviews from the Amazon.com

it gets to the point of being laughable when you get to Carnes’ coup de grâce solution for sexual addiction: The Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program

I agree with another reviewer that this book falls short of providing a solution…that works!

15 years removed from all the sex addiction (books, seminars, therapy, etc.) and reading this entire book numerous times I have come to realize that this book (among many others) still fall short of providing all the answers someone needs to recover from this addiction.

I expected more out of this book.Although packed with information,I found it overwhelming and discouraging for those who might pick it up to find hope. It was like reading a newspaper with nothing but bad news.The author needed to spend some time and chapters on recovery and focus on that

My main disappointment in this book is that it’s another 12-step program. I am not a firm believer in 12 step program.

In reading Out of the Shadows Dr.Carnes is very much in favor of a 12 Step program to treat sex and love addiction. In my opinion, this is a disservice to people afflicted with this behavioral problem; I’m one of them. I’ve been to many SLAA meetings, and know that sitting in a room and listening to other dysfunctional people recite stories is not therapeutic. No feedback from experts is provided, in fact no feedback at all is provided. It’s empty words falling on empty ears. Additionally, many of the attendees are addicted to 12-Step programs and go to a different on several times per week. Many attendees have deeper psychological problems than sex addiction and need help that a 12 Step program couldn’t possibly provide. There is no evidence that 12-Step programs work any better than any other type of behavioral intervention. As Dr.Carnes must know, there is much evidence that they don’t work at all and that there is an extremely high failure rate for all 12-Step programs.

(I, Omid Mankoo author of Open to Bliss agree. AFter the publication of my book, I went to many SLAA programs just to see what was available for people, and I realized nothing of any real substance was available)

From Amazon.co.uk Reviews: 5 star , 4 star , 3 star , 2 star , 1 star

Let’s start with 5 star first
I will highlight in green any mention of a solution
I will highlight in red someone mentioning that there is no solution mentioned
As you will notice when you read , it is 99% about understanding, rather than the solution. hence the subtitle of the book: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Well my friends, if a problem is truly understood the solution is close at hand. That is why my book Open to Bliss you get to really understand and then the solution is also presented, in full.

5.0 stars out of 5 stars I thought I was alone – but I wasn’t – there were others!, 28 Oct 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
This book is truly a revelation – from the very beginning it makes the reader face up to the true nature of sex addiction – and to discover whether or not they are an addict. It not only shows the outward signs of addiction (and their inevitable disastrous results) but goes beneath the surface to show the underlying core beliefs that support and reinforce the addiction.

Using true to life stories (an amalgam of others experiences) it leads the addict through a gentle path of understanding through to ways of moving forward to healing.

In addition to the addict themselves, it casts light on the role of the “co-dependent” – (this can be partner, spouse, parent or any other family member whose life has been bound up to that of the addict) and explains in simple language how this has occurred and what to do about it.

One small complaint about the writing style is that there are some dull clinical parts – the author is, after all a clinician – and it does become a bit repetitive at times.

Having said that, if you feel you might be a sex-addict or in a close bond with one, then this is a great starting point for healing the addiction and the co-dependency.

Thank you for reading this review, I hope you find it helpful and true to the book when you read it for yourself.

5.0 out of 5 stars Carnes is able to get right inside the addicts head., 3 Feb 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
Carnes has completely captured the mind of the sexual addict in minute detail. dissecting each and every action and thought explaining the reasons for and behind the behavior. For 22 years I lived and was married to a sexual addict and didn’t know. I was in total denial. Finding out was the biggest shock and not knowing what to do. I was fortunate enough to be told about Patrick Carnes’ book. I purchased the book online (so I wouldn’t suffer the embarrassment of asking for it in a bookstore) and couldn’t put it down. To be able to understand in a small way the “why” of my husbands behavior allows me to not feel so guilty or in some way responsible for his behavior. I never thought a book on this subject could be called fascinating–but it is just that. Each and every paragraph had something in it that hit home. He completely is able to analyze this behavior and explain the reasons without making the addict or co-addict feel less of a person. Although my husband and I are separated, I plan on passing this book on to him as he feels he can’t beat this addiction. I am hoping this book will help him as it did me, to understand.

5.0 out of 5 stars A Classic for the Newcomer and Significant Others, 12 Dec 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
I am a professional psychotherapist and have been treating sexual addiction for over 11 years. For all of this time, I have recommended this book as a starting point for understanding the addiction-for both the addict and co-addict. It is a good idea to read this book prior to starting therapy, or as an adjunct to a self-help recovery program. If you are unsure if you, or a loved one, suffers from this addiction, this book will help answer that question.
5.0 out of 5 stars Partners of Addicts can benefit from this book!, 9 May 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
Sexual addiction has a profound impact on the partners and families of the addict. The road to recovery is a long hard journey as Dr. Carnes points out. For the partner of an addict, this book helps you understand that what you’ve been living with is NOT about you. You come to realize that this is a disease just as alcoholism is a disease. You learn what it’s about, how it can progress if not treated and how recovery is a possibility. You also learn about co-addiction and the role you play in this insidious addiction.

This book was a lifesaver for me and put me on the road to recovery from my own co-addiction.
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, 1 Jan 2011
By
Adrian – See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
Hi,

I bought this book thinking it maybe not be able to help fully, as I didn’t realise I was an addict beforehand. But I have to say after I read the book, I can’t put it down.

I would highly recommend this book to any addict, co-addict or something thinking there’s something wrong with them around porn etc but can’t pin point.
5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my Life, 8 May 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
This book showed me that I am not alone. Without being moralistic, the author shows that this problem can and has been overcome. To anyone who thinks they might have a problem with compulsive sexual behavior: READ THIS BOOK.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Essential Resource, 19 Nov 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
Out of the Shadows is an essential resource for anyone affected by this addiction. Mr. Carnes provides clear, concise, and straightforward information (unemcumbered by the typical overlay of medical jargon) on a subject that carries tremendous social stigma. This book can also help one obtain appropriate resources for this addiction.
5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful book, 21 Jun 2012
By
lofalof (UK)
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
This book is invaluable for the sex addict and their partner. Page after page will resonate but prepare yourself for a journey!! It is a bumpy ride and this book is just a start point.

My only concern is using the alcoholics 12 stage path to recovery for those with sexual addictions. Sexual addictions are often routed far deeper in the psychology of an individual, often from much earlier in their life. I am not saying that giving up sexual addicton is any easier or harder than something like alchohol but we live in a world where sex is freely available everywhere and actively promoted as the way we should all be living our lives (from celebs, to ads, to movies/TV, the Internet, and more). Promiscuity and pushing sexual boundaries are now a badge of honour rather than a taboo.

Expecting a book on its own to change your attitudes with this wealth of stimulus is like sending an alcoholic to the pub with beer vouchers and telling them they can’t drink. It is a very very valuable read but be aware it may create as many problems as it resolves!
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful, 3 Mar 2012
By
Niki Collins-queen, Author “author” (Forsyth, Georgia USA) – See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
“Out of the Shadows” by Patrick Carnes is one of the best books on sexual addiction. Carnes says sexaholism transcend personality, gender, and socio-economic status. He defines sexual addiction as having a pathological relationship with sex and using it as a mood-altering drug. His descriptions of the symptoms, the three levels of addictions, and the progression through the four-part cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior and despair are excellent.
Carnes also deals with the sex addicts underlying dynamics such as a faulty self-image, and believing that sex is their most important need. Carnes describes how some addicts appear grandiose and full of exaggerated self-importance to create a front of “normalcy,” and hide their addiction and poor self-esteem. He says the addict’s family and friends often become angry and frustrated with the addict’s “egocentricity” and insensitivity to others. Since guilt and remorse cannot be expressed the addict may become progressively more isolated and unreachable as they close off their vulnerability.
Carnes states that since the addict feels unloved and unlovable they have little confidence in the love of others and become calculating, manipulative and ruthless. They are purposely unclear about their intentions in relationship and are seductive in their behavior. Addicts also have a high need to control all situations in an effort to guarantee their sexual supply and ensure all possible sexual opportunities.
To get help Carnes recommends SA’s 12 Step Program. He says the Program helps the addict to, “separate themselves as individuals from their addiction which, as a powerful illness, is destroying their lives. By admitting the addictions power, hope emerges from connecting with others and Higher Power. The fellowship of the Program surrounds participants with people who have suffered in the same way. They no longer feel unique. They trust and are trusted with personal secrets.”
Carnes says the Program teaches the addict that they do not need the addiction to survive, but will need the Program because of the addictions power. When the addict recognizes how powerless and unmanageable they are over their addiction, they start to live a life which focuses on human relationships as opposed to sex.
Carnes points out how members of the Program continue to learn about the process through teaching others. He says sex addicts can become responsive and responsible members of the human community.
5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely helpful and groundbreaking, 1 Sep 2011
By
pikku kyy –
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
I recommend this book to anyone and everyone who suffers from any type of sexual addiction, or is a family member or close friend of one. It will remind you of one fact: you are not alone.

5.0 out of 5 stars Sex Addiction – Partytime?, 10 Feb 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
Sexual addiction is treated in a sensitive and accurate manner in this premier book on the subject. This disease, always progressive if untreated, can ruin one’s life if left untreated. This book points the way to control of the addiction.
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, someone understands., 27 Jun 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
As a recovering sex addict, I have read countless numbers of books and pamphlets and have found this author to be the only one with real insight into the mind of the codependent sex addict. If you are struggling with this problem, you need Christ and you need to read this book. Start the healing today.
Comment Comment (1)

Here is the comment made by one reader:
i would question the “you need christ” bit of your review. a religious dimension to life may be exactly what suits some people, but i would identify christianity as a major cause of sexual neurosis and dysfunction in our society.

NOW ONTO THE 4 STAR REVIEWS:

4.0 out of 5 stars Isolates the problem, and hints at the solution, 5 Nov 2009
By
jhonnyrocket –
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
This book has been great for me to get a better understanding of what I am going through. But with most therapeutic approaches it focuses more on the problems and not on the solutions. Someone who is looking for hope and recovery should understand that this book is only one single tool in a much greater tool box. But as far as understanding the belief systems and fears i felt that this book was spot on!
4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, broad introduction to mind of the sex addict., 16 Nov 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
“Out of the Shadows” offers an introduction to and an exploration of the profile, behaviors and motivations of the sex addict. Whether the addiction is to porngraphy and its many incarnations or actual, physical sex, this book provides a very insightful look at the secrecy, deception and compulsion that the addict will use to advance and hide his behaviors. While this addiction is not unique to men, for a woman who suspects or knows that the man with whom she is involved may be or is a sex addict, Carnes’ book provides insightful and probing case studies of sexual addictions. This book will help the addict, or those in relationship with an addict, have a better understanding of this distructive and painful path.
4.0 out of 5 stars Out of the Shadows, 10 Aug 2012
By
skw –
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
This is pretty much recognised as the standard text about sex addiction. It is hugely informative, but brace yourself, it is a grim read. I work with this client group and have regretted recommending it to a client struggling with sex addiction – it describes the addiction but is not a book which focuses on recovery so it can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness for someone who already feels overwhelmed. But for a comprehensive and general review of sex addiction it is very useful. For people in the grip of the addiction, Facing the Shadow, by the same author, is more relevant and hopeful.
4.0 out of 5 stars Helpfull book!, 18 Mar 2010
By
read4life “macread” (London) –
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
This book is good in the explaination and the psychological analysis of this addiction. I know there are still many skeptics out there, but sexual addiction is still a taboo subject that peoiple either want to ignore or ridicule, but Patrick Carnes does himself justice with the simple but effective way he explains all in ‘Out of the shadows’.
There are differen’t levels to this addiction, just like there is differen’t levels to alchol addiction, and drug addiction and so on. If you either want help, information or explaination on this subject, whether you are an addict or a psychologist or a therapist, this book will be helpful to you!
4.0 out of 5 stars A helpful insight into the mind of a sex addict, 6 April 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
I am now divorced from my husband who is still a sex addict. This book has helped me understand the how and why of his behaviour. It does contain quite a bit of jargon, and many of the case studies are extreme, but it fails to address the spouse’s feelings and views on the addiction. Patrick covers co-addiction, but not all family members and spouses go through that process. A useful book, if somewhat clinical.

NOW ONTO 3 STAR REVIEWS:

interesting but dogmatic, 3 Jan 2011
By
John Davison –
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
Until the latter end of the 20th century it was a given among the American psychiatric community that homosexuality was pathological, and that all gays were, in fact, miserable. One therapist began to re-think his position when someone pointed out to him that of course the homosexuals who came to him were unhappy – only unhappy people would come to him.

We have a similar situation today with inter-generational sexual relationships: because most of the people who experience these do so in an abusive context, it is taken as read that all such relationships are abusive.

So when Patrick Carnes writes that the fourteen-year-old boy who has an affair with a thirty-year-old woman is the victim of abuse, even though the boy thinks of it as just another score, the author, in my opinion, is probably wrong.

And that is one problem with this book: its dogmatism. To suggest, for instance, that all or nearly all sex addicts have been victims of childhood abuse is 1. unproven and 2. dangerous. Carnes may have a compassionate understanding of abusers, but, as he is well aware, the media and the general public do not.

Another problem arises when we are into the territory of the Twelve Steps, and God and one’s relationship to God suddenly appear as central to the agenda, in a book which up to now has been resolutely secular.

I felt a similar discomfort when an ex-alcoholic described to me the programme for AA. The founders of Alcoholics Anonymous latched on to a group of extremely vulnerable people, and said: “We can help you out of your situation, but first you have to accept our theistic point of view.”

This, I should have thought, runs counter to everything the psychotherapeutic community believes in.

But there were some stimulating insights in this book, and a range of true-life stories which aroused one’s compassion, amazed fascination, and sometimes [sorry Patrick] amusement.

NOW 2 STAR REVIEWS:

not very good, 25 April 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)
it is not written in a very informative way, it is not a good book for people with friends who are sex addicts, it does not go into detail of the psycological aspects, or what friends can do to help. It did not explain enough for me to understand, tried to inform by describing cases of real people, but was all just blah blah blah. I wouldnt buy another book from this author. If anyone has read some really informative books on the subject please let me know the names and authors.

Summary of the Reviews.

Okay, so thus far we have come up with people’s observation of the solutions present in the book. Of course I understand that this book is not a solution book, that’s why it has Understanding sexual addiction as a subtitle .  So, here I have summed up what people wrote anything remotely having to do with a solution either specifically or indirectly.

it leads the addict through a gentle path of understanding through to ways of moving forward to healing

this is a great starting point for healing the addiction.

It is a good idea to read this book prior to starting therapy, or as an adjunct to a self-help recovery program.

This book was a lifesaver for me and put me on the road to recovery from my own co-addiction. (Notice that this is not about the addict’s recovery, but about the co-addict)

Carnes recommends SA’s 12 Step Program. He says the Program helps the addict to, “separate themselves as individuals from their addiction”

By admitting the addictions power, hope emerges from connecting with others and Higher Power.

Here are the specific mention of lack of solutions:

But with most therapeutic approaches it focuses more on the problems and not on the solutions.

it describes the addiction but is not a book which focuses on recovery.

Now about my book:

Now compare to a person who read just a tenth of my book, and another person who more than likely read the front cover description and then got stuck reading the intro which has a lot of backgraound inforormation on me and zero on the actual topic. which is why I recommend people go to chapter 1 and read insight 1, the go on to reading the next insight. I designed it a specific way:

I will be highlighting in orange the direct or indirect refernce to a solution/s being present

Absolutely Incredible, May 23, 2012
By
Reader –
This review is from: Open To Bliss Sage Hope’s 1st Gift to Humanity The Definitive & Complete Solution Manual to Sexual Attraction & Addiction (Paperback)
The grammar is fine, please respect the author. It is the knowledge in this book which is extraordinary and so easily understandable and the way it is written so peacefully and directly, so freely,which makes it outstanding. It has opened my mind and I am able to know and control my mind and have so much knowledge and understanding of how it works which is a great factor to have in life. I haven’t even read a fifth of the book and it has already changed my life and unravelled the truth from the world and many more truths. I recommend this to anybody as it is amazing, not only on sexual fixation, but most importantly, the mind and how it works. It will have tremendous impact on you and your life.
2.0 out of 5 stars Interesting concept, however it is tough to read – poor grammar throughout, November 7, 2011
By
James Ewing – Personal (FRISCO, TX, US) – See all my reviews
This review is from: Open To Bliss Sage Hope’s 1st Gift to Humanity The Definitive & Complete Solution Manual to Sexual Attraction & Addiction (Paperback)
The book is an interesting concept, however I struggled so much with the grammatical errors that I put it down after only reading about an hour. It’s a massive book, written with heart but written like a first-run author. His next book or edit to this one may be much better.

The reason I say he read my introduction which says a lot about me, is because the commentor says “It’s … written with heart” there is much info that I have mentioned before the actual book starts which familiarizes the reader with me, since I am a new author.  Thus his mind must have gotten bored with that.

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